naruto is literally a cautionary tale about staying in the closet cause if his dumbass had just admitted he was head over heels for sasuke the two of them could have left the village and backpacked across the globe while being the hottest literal power couple in all the lands but instead he married the first girl who liked him and got a job in HR he’s not qualified for and a cats-in-the-cradle ass son who’s flunking for attention because dad’s never home and if that doesn’t inspire you to take the plunge and be the gayest bitch you can be I don’t know what will
I’ve been seeing a lot of this and yeah he is all that but listen
His ‘secret attack’ against his student was poking the kid in the butt hard enough to launch said student through the air
He reads books (explicit romance novels mind you), naps, and juggles kitchen utensils while fighting and training other ninja
He delivered vegetables to his student because he knew the kid wasn’t eating a balanced diet and it Concerned Him
He spent a whole day wearing a second face mask under his regular one JUST in case the opportunity arose to further fuck with his students who were trying to unmask him (which he knew about. and let them spend hours trying their half-baked schemes to do so JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES)
He literally giggles out loud to himself while reading his porny melodrama dime store rags
He tricks his subordinate into footing the bill for food on the regular, like he can pay for that shit he just does it for the sheer pleasure of yanking this guy’s chain
He was only defeated by his students in battle when they took advantage of what a huge fucking fangirl he is
He will sass absolutely anyone, at every opportunity. His students, his peers, his boss, his mortal enemies even as they are raining fatal blows down on his head and he has one foot in the grave he will still deliver snarky sarcasm with his last breath
He has a wealth of varied, elaborate and deadly attacks that have earned him fame across all the ninja lands, but his weapons of choice are lightning… And dogs. Actual puppy dogs. That he dresses up in little matching ninja costumes
i need to leave for work in like 10 minutes but here’s my ranking of the akatsuki members
deidara. does this one even need to be explained? joined a criminal organization for his art thesis. stupid as hell. only has 2 eyes and uses one of them specifically to fuck with uchihas. the drama. the panache. he outlived his immortal teammate probably entirely out of spite. blows himself up also out of spite. what an icon.
konan. she’s cute. she’s blue. she’s made of paper. by any and all standards, she is the perfect woman.
kisame. rowdy shark man. i like that he doesn’t have a sad backstory and truly just wants to look like a shark and commit crimes. sounds like he’s constantly trying to impress your grandma. five stars.
sasori. turned himself into a puppet and could have chosen any body but stuck with looking like a twink for eternity. mad respect for that. got killed by his grandma and a 15 year old girl.
tobi. the tobi persona is actually my favorite but he’s ranked lower for what’s behind the mask. i respect his commitment to the bit.
itachi. i like that he’s sad. very easily manipulated. dumb as fuck.
pain. dramatic loser. invented nuclear warfare because he thought that would lead to world peace? 3.5/10.
kakuzu. the worst grandpa on earth. awful capitalist. should have pursued a career in embroidery.
zetsu. i never even watched to the point where he actually did anything he just weirds me out. not last because his existence let naruto yell YO ALOE VERA WHERE THE FUCK IS SASUKE which is iconic.
hidan. god i fucking hate this fucking guy. no explanation needed.
orochimaru. honorable mention for being so creepy an organization of creeps told him to fuck off. disgusting.
I’ll never forget the change in Gaara’s facial expression when Lee drops his weights, for the first time ever he looked like he feared for his life
Imagine the first feeling of pain in your life coming from a pile of sentient sand drilling a tattoo on your forehead and the second one from a wizard who cant use magic drop kicking the FUCK out of you
she’s never seen using them yet her canon nature types are earth and water (the two elements needed for wood style)
yamato, the only other living wood style user, was literally her captain and could’ve trained her like naruto – and as a wood style user she could’ve trained with naruto by controlling kurama instead of sitting around with sai and watching
she’s the student and successor of tsunade (hashirama’s granddaughter) and surpassed even tsunade’s byakugou – as in, the closest jutsu to hashirama’s regeneration
from the beginning her character and narrative have heavily involved nature and growth (even down to her name – literally “spring field of cherry blossoms” – and color design – green + floral pinks)
she has a much higher focus / concentration and learning speed than naruto, who reached sage mode! she should be able to just as well!
sage mode is already taught by both the toads and snakes, so narratively the slugs should be able to teach it too – and sakura already has an established summoning ability and connection with katsuyu
just a little thing, but sakura’s clasped hands shown repeatedly in openings and endings could’ve grown from a passive gesture to one of strength – the snake hand sign iconic to wood style
not to be cheesy but let sakura go from a bud to a flower to a fucking Tree
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