Captain Bane didn’t know the Raven’s real name, which means Sloane’s secret identity was intact, and yet somehow we’re all sleeping on “Sloane regularly stops by Militia HQ to bring lunch to her girlfriend and listen with a sympathetic ear about how the Raven is somehow always one step ahead, and did they have any new leads yet, oh that sounds promising” content.
taako is relatable bc he says he trusts no one and then tells kravitz, a complete stranger who mind you could potentially kill him at any moment, that he fears abandonment and not being good enough for anyone just bc he asked a simple question about his job
people are reblogging this again, stating how YES he DID NOTHING WRONG
and it is the best
other ppl while under the thrall: destroy towns
magic brian while under the thrall: smalltalk
I have this AU where he gets apprehended instead of killed (because y’know, a relics thrall is kind of. not his fault) and is put on voidfish duty with johann, where they can bond over their love for large animals
I always knew Johann was the fiance Brain talked about. They’re gonna get married
I support this and ship it
op this is probably the only thing thats better than actual taz canon
i know you said beauty guru, but i think taako “i’m not a model, i’m a wizard and a chef” adventurezone would have a cooking channel, actually!
youtube is his bread and butter, but taako is both charming and gorgeous, in addition to being a prodigal talent in the kitchen, so he’s wildly popular on other social media as well.
kravitz, meanwhile, is a chronic workaholic. it doesn’t really matter what his job is – musician, mortician, private investigator – his dinners, if he doesn’t work through them, are usually cups of ramen or leftover chinese take-out.
his boss raven insists that he take better care of himself, lest he burn out. at her behest, kravitz begins trying to teach himself how to cook. “tries” is the key word, here; the man can follow the instructions on a frozen breakfast burrito to a tee, but he’d burn water trying to boil it.
when it becomes clear that he needs guidance – his pasta has all but welded itself to the pot – kravitz turns to the internet for help. he finds taako’s channel.
things go better for kravitz when he follows along with taako’s videos, but he’s still clearly not a chef. his chicken piccata is edible, if over-seasoned, and the presentation leaves something to be desired. it’s a start, though!
when kravitz posts a picture of his meal on twitter, he’s just documenting the journey so that raven will get off his back. when he @s taako in the tweet, he’s not expecting a response; he doesn’t even think taako will see it. he’s just giving credit for the recipe, is all.
you know that thing chef ramsey does where he critiques-slash-publicly-shames people’s bad cooking? yeah. taako absolutely destroys him, just, roasts kravitz within an inch of his life. kravitz doesn’t notice that the tweet has blown up until raven shows up at work the next day smirking.
kravitz is mostly horrified, but at this point he’s kind of enamored with this very mean, very attractive celebrity chef. he also feels like he has something to prove, now, so he keeps cooking, and every night he posts his dinners, and every night taako replies with something scathing and flirty.
taako, for his part, is also horrified – at the way this rando is butchering his enchiladas. but the guy is trying so hard, is the thing. taako can tell when people are just blowing up his mentions for the likes, but the way kravitz is slowly but surely improving seems genuine.
also, if he’s not catfishing anyone with that display pic, @grimAxuillator is ridiculously hot.
one day, a few weeks later, kravitz opens up twitter to find that one @taakofromYT is following him, and if that alone wasn’t enough to send him into cardiac arrest, he also has an unread dm. “that pan au chocolat was just shameful, my dude,” taako says, “i can’t let you fuck with my recipes in public like this, it’s bad for the brand. how would you like some cooking lessons in meatspace??? 😉 😉 😉 x”
hmmmm canonically lup and barry met WAY before taako and kravitz did. but barry (and probably lup lbr) took over 20 years to admit they were in love – and that was only admitting it to taako! legato was cycle 47! meanwhile, taako asks kravitz out on a date the second fucking time they meet, and are declaring their love a few months later.
what i’m getting at is, in almost every au where time exists in a normal way, taako and kravitz should totally get together while lup and barry are still pining even though they’re, like, childhood friends.
taako: holy shit, just ask him out already
lup: um, absolutely the fuck not
taako: what are you so afraid of? like, the dude is clearly into you
lup: but he might not be! do you know how risky and– and scary it is to ask someone out? especially when you’re really into them?
taako: i know that you’re a coward
lup: yeah? well then i’m sure you’d have no problem asking out that hot guy you met last week. the one you said you were going to marry? the one who’s passing by our table right now? i mean, it’s the perfect opportunity to–
taako: [throws an empty soda can at kravitz’s head] hey! hey, krav!
kravitz: what the fu
taako: you wanna go on a date with me? like, tomorrow?
backup blog in case tumblr explodes 