I still say the most unrealistic part of Harry Potter was that there wasn’t a scene where Hermione found 16 year old Harry in a shopping cart on top of the Astronomy Tower while 16 year old Ron stood by with Colin’s camera because if the prophecy says that he has to die via Voldemort then that means nothing else can kill him ergo there’s no way this could possibly go wrong…
alright so i know we are all into punk sirius who is hot on slumming it in his teens, showing just how connected to the working classes and the great unwashed he is by living in a tiny poky flat in London, BUT I submit, for your delectation:
everyone lives au in which sirius decides to reverse stick it to his fam by joining forces with andromeda to become the hot new socialites in magical britain, hosting charity balls for postwar rehabilitation and like, vampire & werewolf charity fundraisers – lavish affairs in which the rich and the beautiful are subtly pressured into outbidding each other into donating more and more absurd amounts of money or else risk being socially ostracized FOREVER because they won’t receive one of those EXCLUSIVE invitations to number 12 Grimmauld Place & this INFURIATES narcissa who CLEARLY is the HEIR to the social lives of the black family and will not be USURPED by her black sheep of a sister and the family’s wild canon and dissolute disowned heir, her cousin lbr she probably bitches about this to Bellatrix’s portrait ad infinitum and Bella’s just like why don’t I have my WAND why can’t I cast spells and make her SHUT UP she and Draco grow very close in those months with Narcissa’s wailing incessantly about how NO ONE will attend any of the Malfoy’s social events and also FANCY!!!! ANDROMEDA HAVING THE AUDACITY TO DISINVITE ME FROM MY OWN ANCESTRAL HOME!!! AN INSULT NOT TO BE BORNE!!!!
anyway, Sirius obviously throws each and every single piece of furniture in Grimmauld Place out and strips it down, knocks down a couple of walls and adds in some elegant french windows and with Fleur’s help redesigns the place entirely because for god’s sake, victorian gothic is SO last century and besides, if we’re really doing pureblood decadence the only way to go is French Rococo lbr and everything is now MIRRORS and GILT and frankly ridiculous furniture that is IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT ON but everyone adores even when they’ve been standing in six inch heels for three hours running. Walburga Black obviously has kittens over this redecoration and this meticulous stripping away of their HISTORY (we can trace our family all the way to the Norman conquest! Your great great great great great great great great great great grandfather fought alongside King William at Hastings (unlike the Malfoys who only LIE about their involvement, just so we’re clear) she shouts until Sirius reveals his party trick aka the elaborately brocaded silk curtains he’s installed to be pulled over his mother’s painting so she becomes yet another one of the #quirks of Grimmauld Place, an entertainment set piece and nothing more).
Meanwhile in the library Sirius probably donates half the books to Hogwarts and then redoes the entire place in homage to the Brighton Pavillion (You see I’m not entirely unpatriotic, he tells the portrait of his fuming father) and then installs CARD TABLES at which the rich and the famous can do things like LOSE ENTIRE FORTUNES and also the family diamonds – all in the name of charity.
Also, most importantly is the draw Sirius exerts on the entire wizarding world because he obviously cultivates an eccentric and bohemian persona and insists on receiving guests for one hour only from a chaise longue in one of the parlours where he reclines in these hideous brocaded silk dressing gowns, with bottles of sal vol and assorted smelling salts around him and he only ever extends a single well-manicured hand to everyone: twelve years in Azkaban, he says faintly to everyone who visits, but the healer says I should recover my nerves soon (no one knows when ‘’’’’’’’’soon’’’’’’’’’ is, but this goes on for at least ten years after the war.)
And obviously each and every single one of his relatives stuck in their portraits are clawing their eyes out or shrieking in horror about WE HAVE BEEN REDUCED!!!! REDUCED TO BEING NO MORE THAN THE LAUGHING STOCK OF BRITAIN!!! except possibly Regs who is amused at just how terribly transparent & crude his brother is at the art of provocateuring.
Harry hesitated, but after all, Ron had been honest with him, so he told Ron the truth…
one of my absolute favorite bits from the hp books that never made it into the movies. though admittedly, the ootp movie had to rly condense a lot. i think the relationship between harry and ron is super underrated/overlooked – there’s so much love, trust, and support between them in this scene.
I like how the only reason Harry is able to fight the imperious curse so easily is because it hits him and he’s like “Ah I feel calm and relaxed and happy…this is wrong.”
literally how hard would it have been for jkr to say something like “listen I was writing it in the 90s, I was inexperienced, I was writing from my own point of view, I didn’t realise how underrepresented a lot of people are, I wasn’t thinking about anything other than the plot, I accept that it’s a little sparse on the diversity front, I can try to be more self aware with my future works” etc etc instead of.. this nonsense
ok all drama involving jk rowling and nagini being a fuckin person and shit aside
yall know milking snakes is not. milking their fucking snake titties. right
you guys know snakes don’t have tiddies… . . right
YALL
YOU KNOW THIS RIGHT? YOU KNOW MILKING A SNAKE MEANS TO EXTRACT THEIR VENOM
RIGHT?
I thought about venom extraction when I was reading the book ad a child too, but unfortunately there exists a planned illustration that shows babyfied Voldemort sucking on a snake tit.
THERE’S AN ILLUSTRATION OF W H A T
I found it on internet some time ago. It was supposted to go with illustrated version of Goblet of Fire.
y’know, i never really took that phrase “ every day we drift further from god’s light “ seriously. But guess what, today is the day that i start doing that.
because i’m sure god is looking down at us full of shame
“To recap: Nagini is the first Asian character with a central role in the Harry Potter franchise. (Previous installments included characters like Cho Chang and the Patil twins, but they were tertiary roles at best.) She’s introduced as a circus freak with a monstrous curse, and she’s destined to become a fascist supervillain’s pet snake. You can see why people would take issue with this, and numerous fans are already drawing comparisons with the “Dragon Lady” stereotype, an old trope that characterizes Asian women as mysterious or dangerous femme fatales. (In this case, the fact that Nagini’s a magical reptile doesn’t help matters.)”
backup blog in case tumblr explodes 