runawaymarbles:

alternatez:

mzminola:

jumpingjacktrash:

roachpatrol:

insufficientlykinglike:

gothvegas:

ollies-outies:

siderealsandman:

abadmeanmess:

siderealsandman:

davefunkadelic:

siderealsandman:

the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon

like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that

Counterpoint, my good man:

Dragons fuck

Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.

Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny

Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano! 

There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair! 

Seriously!!! 

I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting 

triple-counterpoint:

you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post

OP is right and they should say it

Actually… 

As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs. 

Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and 

fuck the dragon. 

@splickedylit

i have one question for op: why would a creature whose natural form is the size of a 747 see any difference between a twink and a hunk anyway? from its perspective we’re all action figures.

The name is literally “DUNGEONS and dragons” like dragons having some kinks is right there in the name, size difference is just the start.

Okay you know what I’ve seen this post multiple times and enough is enough.

1- that chart from a 3rd party product, it’s not D&D Canon™

2- even if it was, it’s just about which fucking would produce babies, not about who does or doesn’t fuck

3- there’s more than one fucking dragon? So obviously some dragons are going to have actual standards and some dragons are going to be thirsty as sin, and I have no interest in slut shaming the slut dragons or judging the ones who look at an adventuring party and think “eh, I could do better.”

The GM’s job is just to decide ahead of time whether any given dragon is down to clown or requires proper old-fashioned courting.

@terracedsky