droo216:

truestoriesaboutme:

ravenslunas:

i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can’t just say “if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie” bc my brain is like “…..or u could just have one right now” and i can’t argue with that logic

Self-imposed deadlines don’t work either because I know the guy who set them and he’s full of shit

Hi! I’d like to tell you about Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies!

Basically, she found that people generally fall into four categories based on how they respond to external expectations (like a school or work deadline) and internal expectations (like a New Year’s resolution). Upholders respond readily to both external and internal expectations. Obligers respond to external expectations but struggle with internal ones. Questions respond to internal expectations but struggle with external ones. Rebels, well, they struggle with both.

These tendencies are hard-wired! We’re born with them, and they aren’t something you can really change. What you CAN do is learn your tendency and then change your circumstances to make yourself accomplish the expectations!

I’m an Obliger myself, so that’s where I have the best examples. Plus, that’s kind of what this thread is about! I can’t get myself to go to the gym – but if I’m meeting a friend there, I know they’re counting on me, so I’ll be there. For Obligers, it’s all about taking your internal goals and creating external accountability for them. You want to read more? Join a book club! You want to get up earlier? Find someone else who wants to get up earlier and schedule a morning conversation every day!

For Questioners, they (surprise) question everything. They need to turn external expectations into internal ones, and the key is to know why this is necessary. Questioners can easily get lost in research, so they have to be careful – they may never buy a coffee pot because they’ll spend weeks searching for the perfect one. If something feels arbitrary, they’ll never do it. They have to find the why.

I know a lot less about Upholders, just because it always seems to me like they struggle less with expectations and goals. They want to do something? They will do it! Someone else wants them to do something? They will do that too! It’s important for Upholders to recognize that people around them aren’t always wired the same way, or they can become very frustrated easily.

As for Rebels, they struggle with all expectations. They can do whatever they want – if they want to do it. Accountability, like what an Obliger needs, will NOT work for a Rebel, and in fact will make it more likely that they will not accomplish the goal. Rebels need to make things appeal to their sense of identity. “I want to be known as a smart person, therefore I will write this paper.” Rebels need to do things because they choose to do them.

There’s lots of nuances and variance within each of the Tendencies, strengths and weaknesses and striking patterns as well. The important thing here though is that if you know how you respond to internal or external expectations, you can accomplish what you need to do by changing your circumstances to best suit you!

There’s tons of information on Gretchen Rubin’s website, where there’s a quiz you can take to find out which tendency you are. She also has a book called The Four Tendencies and talks about the framework all the time on the podcast she hosts with her sister, Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

I see this post all the time and always have this itch to explain the Tendencies, and I’m reading her book right now so I couldn’t resist.