thor is a problematic loki apologist remember when Loki was dead in the comics so Thor was like “im gonna bring him back” and everyone was like “umm thor is that a good idea remember all the murder he did” and Thor was like “yea……but I miss him”
Avengers: Huh, it’s been a while since Thor’s been back, hope he isn’t too confused about all of our new members and what’s been going on.
Thor: *flying into battle with an axe* Hey everyone nice to meet ya by the way I’ve brought back Banner also meet my friends Rabbit and Tree I’ll introduce you to my space team and my friend throckmorton and my personal drunk hero later at the family dinner xoxoxo oh yeah also made up with loki watched him die but he could also be that random green snake right there, lost an eye gained an eye lost my hammer gained an axe also the rest of Asgard and I need to crash with one of you because *jean ralphio voice* tECHNICALLY I’M HOMELESSSSSSS
Thanos, a philosophy and economics double major who thinks once you eat a plant it will never grow back: i have to slaughter half the universe’s population with the infinity stones, so that no one ever runs out of resources and starves
Thor, a phys ed and linguistics major with a minor in women’s studies, taking a sip of his strawberry protein shake: can’t you just use the infinity stones to create more resources tho?
the fact that Loki’s death scene in Thor 2 was originally intended to be real & retconned later and the end where he’s alive was filmed during pickups has me SO fucked up because now I can’t choose between which headcanon I prefer re: his behavior in Ragnarok. like listen, okay, either:
1. loki was planning on playing dead the whole time and so his very sad death scene & everything he said therein was a calculated move and he was practically writing the theatrical version of it (starring matt damon as himself) as he went along
OR
2. loki really thought he was dying and every melodramatic word of his death scene was 100% heartfelt and then after he realized he wasn’t dead he fucking… woke up peaced out to go take over asgard (lol?) and several months later he was sitting on the throne and could remember every word of what he said to thor on that day and was like “wow im so fucking poetic. that should be a play. starring matt damon as Me perhaps”
like, heimdall saw that shit right? odin comes back through the bifrost and heimdall is just “…………….”
heimdall: that’s a baby
odin: yes! he’s my son! ………..loki. i’m going to dress him in green and black, because that worked great last time
or odin comes back and is trying to figure out, how to play it, and heimdall and frigga are just waiting for him and completely deadpan
frigga: ah, husband! you have returned from war in time to meet your newborn son. who i had. after being pregnant. secretly.
odin: what
frigga:
heimdall:
loki: *baby noises*
odin: right
honestly, i just need heimdall going up to frigga like “you won’t believe what your husband just did”
odin: he’s a replacement for the child I had to lock away in the shadow realm.
heimdall:
odin: I’ll do better by this one. I know I will.
heimdall:
heimdall: You mean Frigga will.
Odin: Please can we keep it? It’s cute and changes colours and smiles at my empty eye socket. I promise I’ll take care of it I’ll feed it every week and I’ll dress it in green and black and I’ll teach it to throw knives and it will be great!
Heimdall: Frigga, he stole a baby. Say something.
THIS IS THE BEST THING
I like to imagine Frigga visiting Heimdall and they have tea and gossip about how much a mess Odin is.
Hiemdall: *plopping into Friggas parlour and already reaching for the cup Frigga is passing him* Lemme tell you what wild shit your sons are doing in Alfhiem
Hiemdall rollerblading into the throne room this week with sunglasses and a piña coloda: Your Majesty, you’re not going to fucking believe this stuff your son brought back from Midgard.
Frigga, iceskating down the bifrost with three bottles of tequila wearing a mini cape from a midgardian children’s dracula costume: Heimdall, my good bitch, I have news.
Everyone in Infinity Wars gonna be complaining about how hard these last few years have been for them until Thor rolls up with no hair, no hammer, and one eye.
Don’t forget “my planet had to be destroyed to keep my sister from killing like the whole universe so now me and all my people are refugees. But hey, Loki’s back, that’s good news!”
Peter(raises his hand in the back): “…My homecoming date‘s dad turned out to be my arch nemesis and a building fell on me!“
Thor (smiles and gives a thumbs-up): “Good for you! (aside, to Tony)…Who is that person? Do we know him or did he just show up?”
T’Challa: My dad died, too.
Thor: I apologize for your loss, I know how it feels
Thor: (To Steve) Who is that handsome man dressed like a kitten?
Starlord: My dad turned out to be this giant, planet eating god and tried to kill me so I had to kill him.
Thor: These things happen sometimes.
Thor: (to Banner) Are we just picking up strangers with sad family stories or…?
This is now canon, you can all go home, there’s no need to see infinity war
sometimes life is like that
Somebody did beautiful fanart???? Of a post I contributed to?????? This is amazing????????
This is so fucking awesome xD
This is the plot of IW. Everything else can go back to the script.
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