odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
Oðinn spake:
Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count’nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.
Norse mythology fails to convey the sense of terror that must have hung over Asgard every time Loki was gone for longer than eight months and three weeks
Norse mythology fails to convey the sense of terror that must have hung over Asgard every time Loki was gone for longer than eight months and three weeks
In Scandinavian mythology there’s only one person who can beat the god Thor in a wrestling match: the elderly woman Elle.
When Thor was asked to wrestle her he laughed, thinking it would be the easiest win of his life, but he had to admit defeat within minutes because Elle is no ordinary old lady. She is the personification of aging itself, and no one can beat age.
Loki: Wow, it sure would suck if someone decided to do the thing, huh?
Everyone else: Pretty much.
Loki: I mean, it would really fuck shit up.
Everyone else: Basically.
Loki: Can you even imagine what would happen if someone actually did the thing? Like, wow. Everything on fire. People screaming and shit. Absolute carnage. Thor in tears. Freyja on a rampage. Odin crying into his eye patch. Just imagine.
Everyone else: That’s essentially the situation.
Loki: Thank Asgard that no-one has taken it upon themselves to do the thing. I, for one, am gracious that the thing has not been undertaken yet. May it remain this way for literally hours to come.
Everyone else: You’ve done the thing, haven’t you?
Loki: I am agog. I am aghast. How could you insinuate that I, Loki, the Trickster god, would have done the thing? This is an outrage. I won’t stand for it. I demand a lawyer and also a horse.
Everyone else: There’s a note here that says ‘I totally did the thing, you bunch of jerkwads, ha-ha-ha I tricked you so good, signed Loki xxx’
Loki: … in hindsight, I may, in fact, have done the thing. But it was just a little joke. A little chuckle amongst friends. Tomfoolery. Japes. A tiny trick.
Everyone else: The world is literally ending because you did the thing.
Loki: Oh my Æsir, fine, I’ll fix it. Fuck, why do I have to fix everything around here? Trickster god? Might as well call myself the Fixter god. Also my son is a wolf.
Being kicked out of a party for murder, only to return later to boldly be like “…and another thing!” ??? Legendary.
but Loki straight up murders the waiter at a party the Aesir are like: “ok rude? maybe you need a time-out tonight, look you got all that blood on the carpets :/”
but then when he comes back five minutes later to make fun of their hypocrisies THAT’S when they decide to torture him for all eternity
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