The real reason it’s a fucking travesty Peter Parker is “straight” is that he would have a fucking field day making gay jokes. Imagine Spiderman wit mixed with millennial gay humour. He’d be unstoppable
This post is pissing people off so I’m gonna add to it:
*villain du jour flirts with Spiderman* woah! I know I swing both ways, but your way isn’t one of em
***
Intellectual™ white supremacist: and when I’m done the entire world will be one homogeneous society-
Spidey: buddy the only homo-genius here is me step off
***
Villain: *gestures to the eyesore that is the Spiderman suit* what kind of fashion is this
Spidey, a gay, knowing that all his villains commit crime in their fursuits: fucking respectable is what it is
***
Villain, talking about the plague that is vigilantes: your way of life disgusts me
Spidey, with narrowed eyes: is this homophobia or arachnophobia
Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess I’ll kill myself.
Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30’s and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: There’s bleach under the sink–
Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steve’s art rants in the 30’s, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: –And a rope in the supply closet if you want options.
Spider-Man and Peter Parker used to date, and the breakup was pretty messy. That’s why you never see them together in the same place; they’re actively avoiding each other.
Peter working at the newspaper that actively tried to ruin Spider-Man didn’t help either.
Peter, crying: It’s the Curiosity Rover’s birthday and he has to sing happy birthday all by himself on Mars and thats sad
Tony, already building a rocket: Say no more
Peter and Tony: *arrive and hop out of there rocket, only to see shuri in a super high tech space suit, holding cupcakes, and standing next to T’challa in his black panther suit because of course shuri made it so it could withstand a vaccum*
T’challa: she made me come here. It’s not too late for you if you run.
Tony, who loves all robots so fucking much: Ummmm why would we leave
Peter, holding up a gift: yeah, we brought presents!!!!
endless evidence that peter parker is most interesting as a former teen superhero defending and dispensing advice to current teen superheroes
Peter Parker, by near all accounts, was the ORIGINAL teen superhero so seeing him age like this so perfectly is phenomenal and I hope all the kids listen to him because he’s so relatable.
Seriously. Team Iron Man and Team Cap America can suck it I’m Team Spider-Man.
backup blog in case tumblr explodes 