fruitgushers:

if you arent someone the church wanted dead 300 years ago are you really living

ramenuzumaki:

These are so cute! 🎃 (source)

g3mstonematrix:

lilbabycarebear:

megalunalexi:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

supportblueduckstheymayfallover:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

• posts instagram selfies. account is just photos of empty rooms
• hovers discretely an inch above ground to appear taller
•  *sips blood* ah! Probiotic
• *minor problem occurs* *leaps out window*
• “Organic food is so expensive”
• *at a renaissance faire* THIS IS OFFENSIVE
•  constant mid-life crisis
• “Not all of us know when our midlife is, Sharon”
• sunset motivational posters  
• *14th cent liturgical hymn plays* I REMEMBER THIS SONG *headbangs*
• OLIVE GARDEN IS VAMPIRE PHOBIC
•  *random hissing*

• *goes camping* I’m a Campire!!!
• *gets wet* I’m a Dampire!!!
• *is attracted to multiple genders* I’m a Panpire!!!

how did i forget about the puns

Okay but hovering increasingly higher above the floor to be taller than your vamp bff until you’re both ten feet in the air

@a-little-girl-gemini

• Defensively turning into a bat when u get startled
• ”Welcome” mats outside ur front door
• *is a telemarketer* I’m a Spampire!!
• *is a makeup artist* I’m a Glampire!!
• Dresses up as Dracula every year for Halloween
• *Has non-vampire friends steal stained glass from an abandoned church for use in ur home* aesthetic