wintersoldierfell:

cryptiboy:

jukebox-head:

bonepoem:

ryrosryhoe:

jackironsides:

pleaseexorciseme:

John Mulaney, a man who is iconically known for loving his wife, after being told by Jerry Seinfeld that his wife only thinks shes good at something

Well done OP, you’ve managed to capture the moment John’s spirit left his body

Jerry’s lucky that John is too polite to throw hands

Okay but I just went and watched this for myself and it’s WORSE

He’s. So uncomfortable. It’s obvious. I cut out the part where John kind of muttered, “That is true, isn’t it” about how all men think they’re funny, but his face is just screwed up in this ‘oh god what have i done what have i signed up for this is not good and this will probably go into my next comedy special of awkwardness’

Just watched this omg bless john bc jerry just keeps trying to do some “take my wife” bullshit and john very politely goes no, no.

proud of John for restraining himself from murdering a man on camera

What’s so horrifying about this to me is that this is literally Jerry Seinfeld trying to teach John Mulaney how to gaslight his wife.

Look at that dialogue. “She thinks she knows.” He’s trying to get Mulaney to see his wife’s expertise as instead a weird misperception. He’s coaching him to undercut his wife’s confidence in the truth and her own abilities.

And Mulaney replies exactly the right way: “She does know.” He asserts not only that she’s perceiving the world accurately, but that she is an expert at something he’s not good at.

Dudes, don’t take this shit from other dudes. Mulaney isn’t by any means perfect but he aced this. Stand for the truth. Defend women’s objectivity. Promote women’s expertise.

lianabrooks:

weareoracle:

chuckyzoopa:

thedaniverse:

thedaniverse:

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be like “guess what finally happened!!” And pull this beautiful, intricate dagger out of her purse and all the other ladies would gasp and congratulate her

Me: I’m a little high but –

Y’all rushing to that reblog button:

It’s an awesome idea tho

Because I have a tag for pretty weaponry, some knives I’d accept as proposals follow:

I said yes! 

(but, actually, hubby bought me a dive knife when we got married so this works…)

orc-lady-unabi:

spaffy-jimble:

undercover-underdog:

For those of you who don’t know, I work at an anarchist co-op coffee shop.

Apparently, all the Chicano/Cholo boys in my neighborhood have caught on the the fact that I sneak food and stuff to all the little punk kids and homeless kids at the coffee shop.

There are three in particular who call me Mom.
Not Mami, not Ma, Mom.
The rest refer to me as “Miss”.

They’ve decided to always have one of the three of them there with me on my night shifts. (Especially after they witnessed the last bad shift where I had to kick a bunch of tweakers out. Said tweakers lit my fucking bulletin board on fire.)

Tonight, one of the boys actually charged up a crackhead who wouldn’t get out when I told him to leave.

About an hour later, I was emptying bus tubs when that same lovely boy walked in and wetted a wash rag. I asked what he was doing and he told me not to worry. So, I went about my business, doing dishes, bussing the main dining tables, etc.

I’d left a broom in the smoking room and a fresh trash bag in the bathroom for once I was done with the dishes.

When I walked out, everything was spotless and the trash had been replaced. He’d wiped all my tables, swept, mopped, and emptied all the ash trays.

He’d also picked the lock on the bathroom so his friend could take out the trash for me. (Which I’m not sure whether I should scold him for. Haha)

They snuck around and did my closing shift duties to thank me for keeping them warm and fed.

I’m fucking crying.

Kindness begets kindness.

Picking a lock so you can take out trash for someone who’s nice to you is the most chaotic good thing i’ve ever heard. ❤

i-am-a-fish:

doctor-basil-puntastic:

i-am-a-fish:

gentlemanstallion:

i-am-a-fish:

sharkbytes:

i-am-a-fish:

calibratedsongbirb:

i-am-a-fish:

mnuj:

i-am-a-fish:

petals-and-cinders:

i-am-a-fish:

gays, lend me your strength

I shall give you my soul, and you will be the most powerful gay to ever gay.

thank you so much.

lesbians, lend me your strength

I give you my heart, so you can have the power of all the lesbians and be even more gay than before

I am forever in your debt.

aces, lend me your strength

I give you my essence, so that why you possess the power of gay as well as having not just one, but many aces of power up your sleeve.

I owe you my life.

transgender and nonbinary folks, lend me your strength

i give you my tiddies because i dont fuckign want them

I could never thank you enough.

bi and pan peeps, lend me your strength

Gun

I am eternally grateful.

now, all remaining LGBT+ members, please collectively lend me your strength

You have our combined strengths and powers. Ascend as a God for there can no longer be forces against us. We are billions as one.

I truly thank you all, from the bottom of my heart thank you.

now,