Guys, from now on DC will be changing future prints of Batman: Damned #1 to censor out Batman’s d*ck, but the joke’s on them now because Batman’s d*ck is going to become a collector’s item.
Printed copies of bat-dk are going to be selling for $35,000 a pop on ebay soon, it’s going to be absolute mayhem. Invest in Bat-d*ck if you can and invest in your future. Buy up every issue in your local comic store. Let Batman’s d*ck pay for your children’s college tuition. It’s what Batman would want.
Donald Featherstone, creator of the plastic lawn flamingo, and his wife Nancy spent at least three decade of their 37 years of marriage wearing complete matching outfits made by Nancy herself.
They would race each other to their shared closet in the morning and the winner would get to pick the outfit for the day. (x)
He not only looked like the guy who invented the lawn flamingo, he acted like it.
ok all drama involving jk rowling and nagini being a fuckin person and shit aside
yall know milking snakes is not. milking their fucking snake titties. right
you guys know snakes don’t have tiddies… . . right
YALL
YOU KNOW THIS RIGHT? YOU KNOW MILKING A SNAKE MEANS TO EXTRACT THEIR VENOM
RIGHT?
I thought about venom extraction when I was reading the book ad a child too, but unfortunately there exists a planned illustration that shows babyfied Voldemort sucking on a snake tit.
THERE’S AN ILLUSTRATION OF W H A T
I found it on internet some time ago. It was supposted to go with illustrated version of Goblet of Fire.
y’know, i never really took that phrase “ every day we drift further from god’s light “ seriously. But guess what, today is the day that i start doing that.
because i’m sure god is looking down at us full of shame
Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.
Hairdresser: pretty simple
Me: this is chemistry
Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way
Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?
Me: apprentice
Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?
Me: I didn’t know that was a thing
Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.
Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator.
Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?
Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs
Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen?
Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer
Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?
Me: yeah
Hairdresser: while still in school?
Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases
Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine
Me: oh thank god
Five Minutes Later
Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves
Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?
Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one
second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious
Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us
Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that
once I was working on a farm with this french guy who was going to school for Complicated Computer Stuff and he decided he wanted to go on a Big Adventure so he and I both ended up on this farm.
And one day we were moving fire wood from a big pile into neat little stacks for the winter and we came across a big wasp nest. Well, actually, we just kept coming across individual, very angry wasps, telling TALES of a nearby nest in the wood.
So the farmers hosting us shoo’d us away and told us we Were Not to go near the firewood again until they took care of the wasps bc they didn’t want any harm to befall us.
So I was happy for the break. I mean, we got plenty of breaks, but I never passed up the opportunity to drop where I stood and take a grass-nap.
But the French boy Could Not Abide wasps keeping him from his Duty.
SO he went back to the pile and started slowly moving logs one by one while I sat up and told him to, uh, Not Do That.
But he was determined. And when he finally found the Big Wasp Nest, and I was on my feet, he said “get ready to run.”
And let me tell you, when a Frenchmen lifts a log over his head, looking Wasps and Death Itself in the eye and tells ya that, you’re on your toes.
And he just fucking. Used a log to smash the nest. He just obliterated it and the wasps went Wild and we RAN.
But after about 15 minutes the wasps moved on, and we could get back to work.
Our hosts were HORRIFIED, and we promised we’d never do anything That Dumb again.
Which of course meant it became standard protocol for the next 10 times we found nests.
But honestly that really changed me. The dude didn’t just squash the wasps. he squashed my fear. Since that day, I have known none. I will SMASH any obstacles life gives me, even if it means running for my life and laying low for 15 mins for things to cool down.
also now this is usually how I always get rid of wasp nests but Do Not Do This
I’m out in the woods for work today and we found a hornet nest on our equipment and I said “it’s okay everyone just get ready to move” ad picked up a huge rock and I took care of it and they said “you are a wild girl Mallaidh Anne” and I like looked into the distance dramatically and thought of the one brave man who brought me here today
backup blog in case tumblr explodes 